This is

A Memoire

which in part records

The Adventures of the Illustrious Firm of Pseudo-Solicitors

Messrs. Blather, Buttock and Funge;

which discovers not only

An Amazing Pair of Aubergine-coloured Gardening Boots,

but also

The Legendary Green Man of Hazel Grove;

and which features

The Redoubtable ‘Billy Feudal’

N.B. All names other than my own, and that of an eminent psychiatric practitioner, have been omitted from this account in order to protect the innocent ~ if indeed there are such in this bizarre and perhaps disgraceful history.

This story will be told in due course; as it happened a long time ago, and I wonder if I dreamt this moment in it: